Evaluated under duress. Humans remain slightly confused. All meals tested. Some interns are traumatized.
Identifiers withheld to keep humans and aliens out of court. ⚖️🛸💀 Because nothing screams ‘culinary disaster’ quite like a legal battle over snacks. 🍲 A true testament to survival: we risked our taste buds and our freedom, all for the sake of science… 🥄👽🔥
90 Serving Organic Bucket
Alien Reviews Incoming…
🛸 The Mothership’s on its way with more…
👽 They came. They saw. They’re still recovering…
🍔👽 Stay tuned. 👀
🛸 STAR SYSTEM (No pun intended) 🤣
⭐ Prevented death
⭐⭐ Technically food
⭐⭐⭐ Acceptable
⭐⭐⭐⭐ Surprisingly fine
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Would invade again for this
MINUS STARS
–⭐ This insulted my species 💀👽
–⭐⭐ Taste buds filed formal complaint 🥄⚖️
–⭐⭐⭐– Interns mutinied; existential dread 🤯🛸
–⭐⭐⭐⭐ Crew considered mutiny, 😵🔥
–⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ We may invade again for revenge 👽💥🛸
Side Note: ZOMBIES FILE A DISCRIMINATION CLAIM
Zombie reviews to follow.
ZOMBIES FILE A DESCRIMINATION CLAIM
Zombie reviews to follow.
Rating: –⭐⭐ – Taste buds have filed a formal complaint 🥄⚖️
Species: Zorblaxcine – Taste-tested with no mercy
Assessment: Rehydration successful. Flavor remains hypothetical.
Humans describe this as “comfort food.”
We have logged comfort as an emotion and remain unconvinced.🤔💔 It’s like saying a warm hug feels nice while standing in a cryogenic freezer🥶
Please send backup; we fear for their taste buds, sanity, and potentially the fabric of space-time. 📦🛸💥
Rating: –⭐⭐⭐ – Interns mutinied; aroma caused existential dread 🤯🛸
Species: Rel’Brell – Official taste assessment, humans optional
Assessment: Consumed at 0400 hours.
Did not improve morale.In fact, several crew members are now considering a career as space hermits. 🌌
Did prevent starvation.
Stars awarded accordingly.
Rating: ⭐⭐ – Technically food
Species: Unknown
Reviewer: Intern – Nutritional review under duress
Assessment: Texture confusing. Aroma aggressive.
Zombies declined to comment, which is concerning.
Rating:⭐⭐⭐ – Acceptable
Species: All -Post-emergence flavor audit
Assessment: This should not be optional.
Recommend inclusion in all emergency protocols.
Humans noticeably less panicked after consumption.
Some began speaking rapidly and making plans. Plans were bad, but confident.🌌🤷♂️At this point, we’re convinced that caffeine is the true puppet master of human chaos.
Rating: –⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Chaos achieved; we may invade again for revenge 👽💥🛸
Species: Rel’Brell 🥤👽😱
Assessment: “Vanilla” appears to be a threat rather than a flavor.
Shaken as instructed.
Regret was evenly distributed, like a bad group project where everyone ends up with a failing grade.
If this is what humans call “nutrition,” we’d prefer to starve. Please direct us to a galaxy where food doesn’t come with emotional baggage. 👽👀
SHORT TERM
Just enough to outlast your panic attack.
LONG TERM
Still standing when everything else burns.
SALE ITEMS PAGE
Because survival is expensive enough.
NO. TEN CANS
Big cans for big problems.
GEAR
When beer fails, grab this.
