Critical Items Preppers Might Overlook
You think you’re prepared because you’ve got beans, rice, and a solar panel? Cute. But if the world goes full chaos — like, dollar-collapse, urban-siege, Balkan-style chaos — you’ll quickly discover there’s a lot you didn’t think about. And that’s where we come in: Survival Food and Beer (yes, we kept the beer — because if you’re going down, you might as well laugh).
This isn’t a rehash of “everyone needs a can opener” or “store water.” We’re talking the stuff preppers overlook — hidden stashes, bartering tricks, hygiene setups that could literally save your life.
This article is more about survival than prepping. We’re talking full-blown SHTF— it’s about surviving when everything falls apart, and finding the humor in the madness. Because, let’s face it, if you can’t laugh at the absurdity of it all, you’re gonna be the one eating all the stale crackers.
Do you have everything?
THINGS YOU MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN TO PREPARE
(but definitely shouldn’t)
Smoke detectors and fire extinguishers – These aren’t just for safety; they’re essential. Unless you’re planning to audition for a role in “Home Alone: Apocalypse Edition,” an out-of-control fire can ruin your off-the-grid dreams faster than you can say “s’mores.”
Blackout screens, opaque curtains – If you want to keep your location low-key, or if you’re trying to stay off the radar, concealing your lights is crucial. Nobody wants nosy neighbors thinking you’re throwing a rave in the middle of the apocalypse!
Night vision gear – If you’re dealing with a serious collapse, nighttime visibility can be a game-changer. Think of it as your survival superhero gadget, minus the cape (unless you want a cape, then go for it).
Razor wire for your fence – Keeps intruders out, helps you protect your home when things go south. Just don’t get too creative with that DIY project—it’s not a good look when you accidentally trip over your own fence.
A good source of vitamin B if you’re a vegetarian, such as spirulina – You’ll need all the energy you can get. Because when you’re dodging looters, the last thing you want is to pass out from a lack of nutrients—and spirulina is a fancy way of saying “green stuff that tastes like, well, not much.”
Sprouting seeds – These are great because they can be grown quickly and anywhere. Plus, they’re packed with nutrition. Just don’t forget to whisper sweet nothings to them; they like that.
Fence locks. – Don’t forget to lock up your perimeter. The last thing you want is to let people wander in uninvited—especially Aunt Gertrude with her unsolicited survival advice.
Perimeter alarms – Because nothing says “Welcome to my apocalypse” like a loud shriek when someone tries to raid your snack stash.
Flares for signaling – In case you need to signal for help, a flare can save your life. Just don’t set off one during a barbecue; it tends to freak guests out.
Water harvesting bucket systems – For when you need a reliable method to gather water if traditional sources are gone. Just be sure to keep it classy—no one wants to drink from a bucket that looks like it’s been through the Hunger Games.
Candles – A simple backup light source for when the power’s down. Bonus points if you can find some that smell like “freshly baked apocalypse” to keep morale high!
Glasses – If you wear glasses, don’t forget to stock up on extra pairs. Because when the world goes to hell, squinting at signs is not the best survival strategy.
POOPING SYSTEM
Because when nature calls, you don’t want to invite germs into your home (or worse, your pants). If you find yourself outside and can’t flush the toilet due to no water, don’t just squat on the ground like some wild animal. Think ahead. If there is no water to flush a toilet, a bucket system works wonders for containment, and you’ll want to make sure you have disinfectant (and possibly bags to cover it), because when you’re going off-grid, the last thing you want is to transfer those germs to animals or yourself.
Sure, you might think “It’s just poop,” but the last thing you want is a cross-species germ party spreading through your homestead. Don’t make your bathroom breaks a biological hazard—prepare with some basic outdoor sanitation gear.
ESSENTIALS TO STOCK FOR BARTER
Think not expensive, easy to store, but majorly essential in STHF.
Barter Goods for the Apocalypse:
Lighters – The little fire starters that everyone will be clamoring for. Think of them as golden tickets for bartering. Cheap, easy to store in bulk.
Matches – The tiny fire wizards of the universe! Small yet mighty! Great for barter.
Soap – The underrated hero of hygiene! Bar or liquid, it’s the perfect trade and leaves you smelling good in Armageddon.
Duct Tape – Because there’s no problem that a little duct tape can’t fix!
Heavy-Duty Trash Bags – Perfect for sanitation and an undercover hideout for snack hoarders!
Water Purification Tablets – The magic pills for making questionable water drinkable.
Gloves – Not just for hygiene! They’re great for avoiding awkward high-fives when you’re trying to keep your germs to yourself.
Rope/Paracord – The ultimate tool for tying up loose ends and your friend’s bad jokes!
HIDE YOUR STASH LIKE A PRO
Store More Things in Multiple Locations – Because if you think hiding your snacks under the couch is a solid plan, you’re in for a rude awakening. It’s always a good idea to store essentials in more than one place in your home. Think underground storage in PVC pipes or sealed buckets—because who doesn’t want their food to have the same vibe as a secret agent?
Don’t Put All Your Eggs in One Basket! – Seriously, if you do, you’ll wind up scrambling—literally! Scatter your essentials like they’re confetti at a party. If you’re robbed, those sneaky thieves won’t know whether to look in the attic, the shed, or that mysterious hole in the backyard you told no one about.
Decoy Storage Strategy – Consider a decoy stash! Whether it’s a fake stash of old socks or expired food, let the thieves think they’ve won. “Oh, look! A bucket of moldy cheese! What a score!” Meanwhile, your real treasures are safely hidden away, probably in your favorite hiding spot: the laundry basket.
Get Creative – Seriously, be imaginative with your hiding spots. Behind a false wall? Inside a book titled “How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse” (that you never read)? Just keep a mental note of where you hid your crucial gear. Because the last thing you want is to find yourself rummaging through your 2007 sweater collection, wondering, “Did I hide my food or my dignity in here?”
